omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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