i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
