Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
