3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
