you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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