I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We had sex on a dog bed..
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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