This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
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He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
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I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize