So drunk its hurt
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
