apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
