i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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