addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
