hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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