Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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