i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
No more Irish car bombs ever.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
