Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
