i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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