The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
