He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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