Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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