Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(317): View more from Indiana

and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.

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(813): View more from Florida

Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.

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(949): View more from California

I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.

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(503): View more from Oregon

My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.

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(650): View more from California

she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl

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(573): View more from Missouri

I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...

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(516): View more from New York

Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.

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