She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
