The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
People with herpes should wear stickers.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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