to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
