Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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