I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
