it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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