Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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