clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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