____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
