i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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