Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
