i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
