stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
