i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
