If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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