you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Randomize
