His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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