You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
this will be a night to untag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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