So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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