don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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