even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
