i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
