what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
