I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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