Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
