I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
