I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
