he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
