I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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