help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
