; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
