Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
