Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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