Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
