Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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