I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
