So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
