one word: firstdatebathroomanal
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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