I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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