I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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