when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
