I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
this hospital has no fireball
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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