We named our party play list daddy issues
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
