I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
