i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
