I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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