I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
