You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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