and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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