I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Randomize
