3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
