he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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