why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
