How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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