I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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