You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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