I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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