Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
