We're like a lot better than the average bears
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
