i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
