Don't you send me to vm
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Ketchup is God's man juice
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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