pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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