so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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