The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
