Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
