Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i wish my penis had a tongue
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
