i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I believe in your delicious
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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