My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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